Case Study Readability Revision

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Before:

March 11, 2011 a horrifying tsunami overtook Japan moments after experiencing a massive earthquake. During this natural disaster 400,000 people were evacuated and it caused nearly 20,000 deaths and nearly 2,000 deaths post-tsunami. This tragic event inspired Mark Zuckerberg and his team to build the first version of Facebook’s “Safety Check” for Japan. They had realized how many people's first instinct were to turn to social media to check in on loved ones. This led to the launch of “Safety Check” worldwide on October 15, 2014. Mark Zuckerberg proclaims that “ this is our way of helping our community during natural disasters and gives you an easy and simple way to say you’re safe.”

After:

On March 11, 2011 a horrifying tsunami overtook Japan moments after experiencing a massive earthquake. During this natural disaster 400,000 people were evacuated, nearly 20,000 people died instantly and nearly 2,000 died from injuries suffered from the disaster. This tragic event inspired Mark Zuckerberg and his team to build the first version of Facebook’s “Safety Check” for Japan. In the wake of the tragedy they realized how many people's first instinct was to turn to social media to check in on their loved ones. This revelation, along with four years of engineering and testing, led to the launch of “Safety Check” worldwide on October 15, 2014. In a statement Mark Zuckerberg posted after the release of safety check he stated: “ Safety Check is our way of helping our community during natural disasters and gives you an easy and simple way to say you’re safe.”

For this paragraph I made sure that Mark Zuckerberg was always placed in the agent position. As well as keeping modifiers as close to the words they modified.

Before:

Mark Zuckerberg and his team made it their goal to provide an easy-to-use tool in the facebook app that would allow users to quickly connect with friends and family during a time of tragedy. “Safety Checks” goals are simple but vitally important to many. Their goal is to first recognize that you are in an area that may be experiencing crisis, and and ask if you are okay. Once you are able to answer the question, and click the “I’m safe button” they will promptly notify your friends and family that you are okay. Through this feature you are also able to check on a list of people that may be in the area to see if they are okay as well. Theses different features prove that the main goal of the tool is to keep people connected as best as possible. Letting people know during tragic times that their friends and family are okay as quickly as possible.

After:
Mark Zuckerberg and his team made it their goal to provide an easy-to-use feature incorporated into Facebook that would allow users to quickly connect with friends and family during a time of tragedy. The creators of safety check had a simple goal, however, this goal was vitally important to many. Their goal was to for safety check to firstly, recognize that you are in an area that may be experiencing crisis, and secondly ask if you are okay. Another goal was to have a feature that allowed you to check on a list of people that may be in the area, and to see if they are okay as well. These different features proved that the main goal of the tool was to keep people connected in the best possible way, and allow them to find out quickly if their friends and family are safe.

Corrected capitalization, changed it so that safety check itself did not have goals but expressed that it was the goals of the creators.
Changed writing to a passive voice. Removed information better suited for a different section.

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