Five Principles of Readability

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Before:
When Disaster strikes the first thing on everyone’s mind is “are my friends and family safe?” Unfortunately, due to the nature of a disaster, there is often widespread panic. This panic causes phone lines to be jammed and texting to be limited. The challenge that Facebook had when creating the “Safety Check” was providing a tool that allowed people to quickly let their loved ones know they were ok, while also only utilizes the phone's internet capabilities.

After:
When Disaster strikes the first thing on everyone’s mind is “are my friends and family safe?” Unfortunately, there is often widespread panic due to the nature of a disaster. This panic causes jammed phone lines and limited texting. When Facebook was creating “Safety Check” the challenge was providing a tool that allowed people to quickly let their loved ones know they were ok, while also only utilizes the phone's internet capabilities.

Before:
Safety Check has successfully created and integrated a service into Facebook, that allows users close to disasters to let their friends and family know that they are safe and free of harm. When logging into Facebook from an area that has been impacted by a disaster you will be greeted with the following screen:

After:
Safety Check has successfully created and integrated a service into Facebook, which allows users near disasters let their friends and family know that they are safe and free of harm. When logging into Facebook from an area that has been impacted by a disaster you will be greeted with the following screen:


What effect do your revisions have on your previous draft?

I believe the revisions help the paragraphs to flow more smoothly as the reader reads them.

What did you do to make it easier to read for your audience?
I did my best to follow the principles of readability. I found that placing the subject first and the verb and object closer to one another actually helped a lot with the flow of the sentence and the paragraph in whole.

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