Learning Module 6

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Before:

Intramural sports are a great way for students to interact and continue competitive athletics while in school. Now that the program has moved to a website based platform, "IMLeagues" has made a huge impact in the involvement of students in intramural sports at Clemson while also improving and updating the way intramural sports are tracked and recorded. This website has been a great and continual improvement to Clemson in the fact that it allows the users to register from their phones or computers or tablets anywhere while also updating them as to when their games are and who they are playing and what the results were for their past games. This software even keeps stats from each player on each team to let them compare how each team member is doing. This is a major change from having to communicate only through word of mouth, flyers, or rudimentary email and having to sign up for teams on paper and having to look in a single place to find out when games are and results and such. Due to the fact that intramural sports are student led, officiated, and played, this new online format is used by a majority of the Clemson student body as well as other universities around the country. Since the website was introduced, participating in intramurals has become more accessible and appealing. This is evident simply from the huge number of students that are involved. Directly from the website, Sam Kelner from Saint Louis University is quoted “We have tried many programs and none of them come close to IMLeague’s ease of operation, ability to communicate with team captains, and the excellent customer service.” Possibly the best part about the new online IMLeagues service is that it is completely free to use and includes a lot more than intramurals, such as clubs and fitness.

After:

A great way for students to interact and continue competitive athletics while in school is through intramural sports. Now that the program has moved to a website based platform, "IMLeagues" has made a huge impact in the involvement of students in intramural sports at Clemson University. The technology is also improving and updating the way intramural sports are tracked and recorded. This website has been a great and continual improvement to Clemson in the fact that it allows the users to register from their phones, computers or tablets anywhere while also updating them as to: when their games are, who they are playing and what the results were for their past games. This software even keeps stats from each player on each team to let them compare how each team member is doing. This is a major change from having to communicate only through word of mouth, flyers, or rudimentary email, having to sign up for teams on paper and having to look in a single place to find out when games are and results and such. This new online format is used by a majority of the Clemson student body as well as other universities around the country, due to the fact that intramural sports are student led, officiated, and played. Since the website was introduced, participating in intramurals has become more accessible and appealing. This is evident simply from the huge number of students that are involved. Directly from the website, Sam Kelner from Saint Louis University is quoted “We have tried many programs and none of them come close to IMLeague’s ease of operation, ability to communicate with team captains, and the excellent customer service.” Possibly the best part about the new online IMLeagues service is that it is completely free to use and includes a lot more than intramurals, such as clubs and fitness.

The revisions that I made after observing the Five Principles of Readability make this paragraph flow a lot better. Instead of breaks in action or thoughts, everything is pieced together very well and makes for a great opening to our case study. Through this process, our writing became easier to read and more importantly, understand. To make it more appealing to the audience, I made sure that the important parts of each sentence are emphasized or highlighted if you will.

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