Readability

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Katelyn Marbert and Nhantrung Phan

Before:
Timing - taking place during the summer, meant people had more free time and were more willing to get wet.
Multiplication - after each person completes the challenge they nominate 3 more people to respond within 24 hours. This meant that anybody who completes the challenge makes it reach further even faster, and the growth rate increases.
Accessibility - The phenomenon didn’t take place on just one social network, they utilized the ability to post a video on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Youtube to make it spread to more audiences.
Simplicity/Feel Good - People like to feel good about themselves and that they’re making a difference, but it’s difficult to find the time to go out of your way to help others. This challenge is quick and simple and makes people feel good about the cause and themselves.
Celebrity Involvement - Celebrity endorsements start to lose their appeal when people realise that they’re getting paid to endorse something. Incidental celebrity involvement such as the one in the Ice Bucket challenge really gets people excited for the idea.
Fun Factor - The cause is serious and important, but the challenge itself is just a silly way to let loose. It’s also just fun just to engage in the schadenfreude of watching other people/celebrities shiver after completing the challenge. The visual factor of the videos keep people more engaged than just simply asking others to donate if possible.

After:
Timing - The challenge started during the summer, a prime time for marketing the challenge online. More people had vacations from work or school, making the potential audience even larger, and summer is also the season where getting wet from dumping ice water over your body is the most appealing.
Multiplicative Growth - After each person completes the challenge they nominate 3 more people to respond within 24 hours. This means that anybody who completes the challenge reaches out to even more people, so more and more people were being reached after every “round” of videos.
Accessibility - The phenomenon didn’t limit itself to one social media platform. By taking advantage of the ability to upload videos to social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, or YouTube, the challenge makes itself more accessible to everyone.
Simplicity/Ease - People love to make a difference in the lives of others, but it’s difficult for them to find time to go out of their way and help others. The challenge is quick and simple making people feel good about themselves for helping a good cause.
Celebrity Involvement - Celebrity endorsements start to lose their appeal when people realise that they’re getting paid to endorse something. Incidental celebrity involvement is great for marketing since it really attracts the attention of the celebrity’s audience while making them feel like the movement is important. The ice bucket challenge eventually made its way to celebrities social media advertising the challenge and the ALS Association without ever being approached..
Fun/Engaging - The cause is serious and important, but the challenge itself is just a silly way to let loose. It’s also fun to engage in schadenfreude and watch other people/celebrities shiver from being wet and cold after completing the challenge. The visual content of the videos give off a more personal vibe, keeping the audience more engaged than if they were just asked to simply donate to the ALS Association.

The revisions we've made on our previous draft has made it more readable and more professional. Previously many sentences were very vague and had "half-ideas", and after the changes more "fully-formed" ideas were expressed. By changing the structure of the sentences, we've made them more readable, but most importantly we've made them easier to understand. Some things we did to revise the paragraphs were to combine short, simple sentences together while cutting more complicated into pieces. While this is an extremely simple change, it makes the paragraphs flow more smoothly.

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