learning module 5

"About Me" and Documentation Revision

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I discovered that I have way too many "I haves" and "this will be" terms that could easily be taken out or changed to make the writings sound better. I also realized that I have a problem with starting sentences with "I am" every time, especially in the "About Me." This process helped me realize these things and see where I need to make changes to my sentences.

"About Me"

Before:

I am currently interning at Bosch Rexroth in Fountain Inn in the quality department.

After:

Currently, I intern at Bosch Rexroth in Fountain Inn in the quality department.

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Paramedic Method

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Before: I'm a highly motivated, socially aware individual who excels in establishing and maintaining relationships.

After: Highly motivated, socially perceptive young professional who excels in establishing and maintaining relationships with key clients.

Before: I can effectively communicate corporate branding through facebook, instagram, and twitter, as well as my own personal networking.

After: Effectively communicates corporate brand through social media and personal networking.

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Learning Module 5

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Learning about the Paramedic Method allowed me to revise many sentences in my documentation project as well as my resume project. When I read about the Paramedic Method and then read through my drafts, I realized a lot of the sentences didn't match up well with this method. When I used this method to edit sentences, they often became more clear and less wordy. I often find myself using too many words in my sentences when it is better to be straight forward and use more action verbs. This method will certainly help me in my writing in the future.

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Paramedic Method

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I tried using the paramedic method on both of my projects, and was surprised at how poor my prose was. I've revised some of my sentences cutting them into separate sentences, combining others, and just changing the verb in some others. For example:

About Me:

Before: My Biology emphasis has allowed me opportunities to work in laboratory settings where I developed skills on how to operate equipment and handle hazardous chemicals.

After: My Biology emphasis has given me opportunities working in laboratory settings, operating equipment, and handling hazardous chemicals.

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Applying the Paramedic Method

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Documentation:

Sentence 1:While it is not completely necessary to completely follow the rule of thirds for a profile picture, moving the subject to one side slightly will help make the picture more visually appealing.

After:While it is not necessary to be completely accurate, moving the subject to one side slightly will help make the picture more visually appealing.

Sentient 2. After cropping, create a duplicate of this layer on the right hand side of the screen so that it can be further edited without losing the original.

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Paramedic Method

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Using the paramedic method, I revised some of my sentences so that they varied between short and long. I also revised some of the verbs. Here are some examples:

Here is how the paramedic method improved my About Me:

Before:
I am currently an intern at Clemson Online, where I do preliminary research for initiatives, create media using Adobe software, and participated in various other marketing activities.

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Learning Module 5

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About Me Story

My "About Me Story" now sounds more precise and professional. It gets to the point quick and therefore doesn't last too long.

Before: I am a rising senior at Clemson University studying Mechanical Engineering. I plan to graduate in May of 2017.

After: Clemson University Mechanical Engineering student graduating in May of 2017.

Before: During my time at Clemson, I have had the opportunity to not only learn theory in my courses as an Undergraduate but also apply and practice these concepts in unique experiences.

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Paramedic Method to Revise Sentences

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About Me

Before: My name is Nicole Porter I am an Agricultural Education student at Clemson University.

After: My name is Nicole Porter I go to Clemson University where I major in Agricultural Education.

Before: I am very dedicated to pursuing a career in Agricultural Education.

After: Agricultural Education holds importance to me in my future of pursuing a career.

Documentation Project

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